you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
