you didnt know i had herpes?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
