Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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