Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
