On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
