Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
