okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize