The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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