why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So. Much. Porn.
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