Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
