saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
