I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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