Me. At least after what I've been through.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
