You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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