Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
