Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
