Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
