Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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