Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
