If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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