i wish my penis had a tongue
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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