I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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