i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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