I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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