I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
