dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
