No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
