How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was born a porn star she said
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
