in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
