anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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