I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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