to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
