Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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