Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
