Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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