I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
