i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
