I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
