i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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