So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
