the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
