best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
