I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
