Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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