Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
