saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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