I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just blew my weed a kiss
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
