I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
