you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
