took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
