Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
