So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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