I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
