You smell like a Billy Joel song
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
