was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
