if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
