i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
