OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
