I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize