Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class

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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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(352): View more from Florida

Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

(1-352): View more from Florida

What?

(352): View more from Florida

Just dont open the beer drawer.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT

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(719): View more from Colorado

Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.

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(404): View more from Georgia

My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...

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(951): View more from California

So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?

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