If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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